Torn

Today I'm torn.

Torn in a million different directions it seems like, and none of them are right.

One of my best friends is going off to college and that tears me in 2. I absolutely love hanging out with this dude...I mean we just have clicked from day one. I'm definitely going to miss him.

On the other hand, I have a friend where it seems that one day we're amazing and then the next day it's totally different and there's no consistency in our friendship, and that tears me.

I have been researching a moped and found an awesome deal on one and then called again today to confirm everything because I was going to go get it tomorrow, and they sold both of them. Torn.

I have been living with some very close friends of mine for the past 2 months and the agreement when I moved in was for 3 months. That's fine, but I'm going to miss them like crazy when I move out, and that kills me. Torn.

I've lived on my own for the past 4 years, but had my sister who was close by. Since I've lived back here in Stockbridge, I don't have any family close to me, and it's really hard when I just need that family aspect in my life and they're not here.

Just every aspect of my life it seems is coming down on me and just ripping me in half. My friend Steve has always told me that, "The only thing constant in life is change." It's such an ironic statement, but it's so true!

I can tell anything to my best friend. He has always been there and knows more about me than just anyone. But sometimes I feel like I don't want to unload all this crap I'm going through onto him because it's not his problem, and because he's human, an has problems of his own without all of mine added on.

I hate passing off my problems to others because number one, it makes me feel like I can't handle them, and then number two, it makes me feel like I'm burdening the person I'm telling my problems too and making them not want to be around all that. That's when everything gets ackward because you want to say something, but at the same time, you don't want to run that person off with constant "complaining". I don't know...like I said. I'm torn.

I know God has a plan. I do. I know that without a doubt. I know that trials and tribulations make us stronger and prepare us for what is to come ahead in our lives. I guess I've just come to the resolve that yes, I want a break from the stress, but no, I don't want to be out of the center of God's will. If it takes me going through this to bring me to the place spiritually that I need to be, than Jesus, bring the rain.

If you're reading this, and you're a believer, just lift up a prayer for me that God would give me the strength and endurance to be able to continue serving Him. Also, that He would give me patience and understanding when it comes to my friendships. I need my friends now more than ever, and only He can make that happen. Thanks.

Live for Him,
Stephen